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You're Not Listening: What You're Missing and Why It Matters

by Kate Murphy

Listening as a communication practice

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Awards & Recognition

  • Book club selection

    Hand-picked for the Next Big Ideas Club

    Hand picked for the Next Big Ideas Club by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink.

  • Critical praise

    Praise from Adam Grant

    Grant praises the book's introduction to the mindset and skillset of listening.

AlbakiReads Editorial

Listening as a communication practice

Kate Murphy connects everyday conversation—from workplaces and social media to parties—with the question of what it means to listen attentively. Drawing on psychology, neuroscience, and sociology, the book examines why listening can be difficult and what its absence may mean for connection. Murphy also uses perspectives from people whose work depends on listening, including a bartender, radio producer, and focus-group moderator, alongside practical advice for improving the skill. The subject is treated both as an interpersonal habit and as a wider cultural concern, giving the discussion a scope that reaches beyond one-to-one conversations.

Good fit for readers who enjoy

  • Adults interested in communication and social skills
  • Readers curious about the psychology and social role of listening
  • People seeking practical advice for listening more attentively

Themes

Active listeningCommunication and connectionPsychology and neuroscienceListening in contemporary culture

Based on publisher information and book metadata.

Book overview

When was the last time you listened to someone, or someone really listened to you?

"If you're like most people, you don't listen as often or as well as you'd like. There's no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset--and this book does it with science and humor."
-Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take

**Hand picked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for Next Big Ideas Club**

"An essential book for our times."
-Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

At work, we're taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We're not listening.
And no one is listening to us.

Despite living in a world where technology allows constant digital communication and opportunities to connect, it seems no one is really listening or even knows how. And it's making us lonelier, more isolated, and less tolerant than ever before. A listener by trade, New York Times contributor Kate Murphy wanted to know how we got here.

In this always illuminating and often humorous deep dive, Murphy explains why we're not listening, what it's doing to us, and how we can reverse the trend. She makes accessible the psychology, neuroscience, and sociology of listening while also introducing us to some of the best listeners out there (including a CIA agent, focus group moderator, bartender, radio producer, and top furniture salesman). Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening is to listening what Susan Cain's Quiet was to introversion. It's time to stop talking and start listening.

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