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I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying: A Memoir

by Youngmi Mayer

A family history told through laughter and grief

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Awards & Recognition

  • Editorial selection

    The Boston Globe Best Books of 2024

    Included in The Boston Globe's Best Books of 2024.

AlbakiReads Editorial

A family history told through laughter and grief

Youngmi Mayer’s memoir connects her childhood in Saipan and Korea to the family histories shaped by colonialism and war. It also examines a difficult adolescence in which she felt responsible for parenting her parents, and the ways those experiences continue to matter in her life as a single mother in New York City. Humor runs through these accounts, including a saying passed down through the women in her family: laughter can arrive in the middle of tears. Alongside family and memory, Mayer considers whiteness, gender, and sexuality in America, making the memoir both a personal account and an exploration of the social forces surrounding her life.

Good fit for readers who enjoy

  • Readers interested in memoirs about family history and childhood across Korea and Saipan.
  • Readers seeking personal reflections on race, gender, and sexuality in America.
  • Readers drawn to memoirs that use humor while addressing grief and difficult family experiences.

Themes

Family and intergenerational inheritanceColonialism and war in KoreaRace, gender, and sexualityHumor amid grief

Based on publisher information and book metadata.

Book overview

Elle's Best Nonfiction Books of 2024 The Boston Globe's Best Books of 2024 San Francisco Chronicle's Best New Books of Fall 2024

From standup comedian Youngmi Mayer, an unforgettable memoir written with "raw, enviable freedom that simply floors you," interrogating whiteness, gender, and sexuality in America, navigating a tumultuous childhood in Korea and Saipan, and coming to terms with her parents' shortcomings (Michelle Zauner).


"Do you know what happens if you laugh while crying? Hair grows out of your butthole." It was a constant truism Youngmi Mayer's mother would say threateningly after she would make her daughter laugh while crying. Her mother used it to cheer her up in moments when she could tell Youngmi was overtaken with grief. The humorous saying would never fail to lighten the mood, causing both daughter and mother to laugh and cry at the same time. Her mother had learned this trick from her mother, and her mother had learned this from her mother before her: it had also helped an endless string of her family laugh through suffering.

In I'm Laughing Because I'm Crying, Youngmi jokes through the retelling of her childhood as an offbeat biracial kid in Saipan, a place next to a place that Americans might know. She jokes through her difficult adolescence where she must parent her own parents: a mother who married her husband because he looked like white Jesus (and the singer of The Bee Gees). And with humor and irreverence and full-throated openness, she jokes even while sharing the story of what her family went through during the last century of colonialism and war in Korea, while reflecting how years later, their wounds affect her in New York City as a single mom, all the while interrogating whiteness, gender, and sexuality.

Youngmi jokes through these stories in hopes of passing onto the reader what her family passed down to her: The gift of laughing while crying. The gift of a hairy butthole. Because throughout it all, the one thing she learned was one cannot exist without the other. And like a yin and yang, this duality is reflected in this whip-smart, heart-wrenching, and disarmingly funny memoir told by a bright new voice with so much heart and wisdom.


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Customer reviews

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Malaika Taylor

I highly recommend to for anyone looking for inner clarity

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Great service and fast service

Great shopping experience! The book arrived quickly, was well packaged, and matched the description perfectly. I would definitely shop with you again

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Smooth.